"CHEAT, LIES AND ALIBIS "
Is it in our DNA to lie? They say if you lie, you will cheat; if you cheat, you will steal; if you steal, you will kill. Interesting to say the least. My blog will be focusing solely on
the lying and cheating aspect of the above quote. I will break it down into two separate segments. Today’s discussion will merely consist of, what it is to lie, and why we do it.
Why do people lie? The truth is we all lie. Researchers say it is a human trait we all share among us. The truth will set you free, but a lie will get you by.
Psychologists have documented children lying as early as age 2. Some experts even consider lying is a developmental milestone, like crawling and walking, because it requires sophisticated planning, attention and the ability to see a situation from someone else’s perspective to effectively manipulate them.
Lies often start as self-preservation, however in many cases it can turn into self-destruction. There are many types of lies: white lies, broken promises, fabrication, exaggeration, deception, plagiarism...etc.
We all tell “white lies.” We say, “I’m fine,” when we’re not, compliment unwanted gifts, or even when we say “I got you on payday.” However in an intimate relationship, emotional honesty includes allowing our partner to know who we are. Honesty is more than simply not lying. Deception includes making ambiguous or vague statements, telling half-truths, manipulating information through emphasis, exaggeration, or minimization, and withholding feelings or information that is important to someone who has a right to know, because it affects the relationship and deprives that person of freedom of choice and informed action. Although we may consider ourselves honest, few of us reveal all our negative thoughts and feelings about the people we are close to. It requires courage to be vulnerable and authentic.
However as fundamental as lying seems to be a human trait, trusting relationships are also a basic human need, and as we all know, lying destroys trust. Thus the beginning of individuals clashing. Clearly the obvious impact that lying has on a relationship, is the deterioration of trust you have in each other. Therefore the realization of someone not having your best interest at heart can be very devastating, and ultimately it may destroy more than just one life. “The truth is to be expressed in love, offering to those seeking redemption from the lies of the world.” (Ephesians 4:15). Trust is so essential to having a strong good and healthy relationship. When you lose that trust the very foundation you stand upon may crumble and fall. Trust is very fragile. Secrets and lies jeopardize trust and can damage us and our relationships
What about intent? Does intent matter? People often believe that their intentions justify the lie. Lying not to hurt someone else’s feelings is kinder than hurting them. Right? “My intention were not meant to be malicious, it was only done to save you from heartache and pain.” When someone conveys to you that they believe in you but there actions betrays their words. So instead of saying you suck, you cannot sing, act or write. You lie because you care. Doesn’t it hurts just a little bit more though when you finally find out the truth? “You’re supposed to be my family, friend/lover, why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
What about omission, or shall I say lying by omission, it is typically when a person leaves out important information or fails to correct a pre-existing misconception in order to hide the truth from others. Usually it’s not intended to be harmful; it is often thought of as an action undertaken to spare the recipient pain or embarrassment. When you tell your wife you’re going out. But you don’t tell her, who your going out with. Is this considered lying by omission? They say the sins of omission are far dangerous then the sins of commission. We all play our part in these lies sometimes. We all have, at some point in our lives, we close our eyes to it.
However when you finally open them to the truth, you can’t help but feel foolish for ever falling for such lies. Being made to feel this way by another person, eats away at your core and all the positive feelings you may have towards them. The hurt may open up a divide between you, and cause an irreconcilable harm to the point that they may lash out. Words can be very powerful especially to those who wield such power.
So I will end this blog with an old quote.
“May you never lie, steal, cheat or drink.
But if you must lie, lie in each other's arms.
If you must steal, steal kisses.
If you must cheat, cheat death.”